灰色空间

Friday, December 18, 2009

22:14

wow.. so fast.. is really fast for this year to end it in this style... haiz... DEC... festival mood.. but i have a little heavy feeling.. lucky someone is always there for me to support me... this year --- 2009, really a very special year for me.. is a whole full year which i am a NSF... and i gone thru a lot of stuffs.. some i never experience before.. some make me happy... make me go crazy.. make me heartwarming... make me cry like mad.. and it make the year of 2009 for me.. this year really extraordinary for me.. like me make a quick recap for it.. to mark a full stop and hope nxt yr.. is a new beginning...

starting of the year.. posted to SISPEC... a fresh start for me.. and continue my trainee life.. as a trainee in sispec.. i enjoyed most of my time.. thou e training is quite tough.. but to listen to order and fight.. and learn new stuff.. new weapon.. is really an experience for me.. and i got to see some of my mates leave for different vocation training as i remain as an infantry soldier... but to stay in ASLC... make me tougher.. and i got e chance of going to thailand for overseas training.. 3 weeks of the year is long enough that i dunwan to go for another overseas exercise.. haha.. becoz i got to leave my gf in sg who i miss e most... and i missed my mum bday this yr... but thailand really a fun experience overall.. the weather u will nv forget.. e food and the navigation exercise.. and the ninja van... lolz.. all the little things.. and it end my trainee life as i passed out after 5 months plus of unforgettable training in SISPEC...

on and off.. my gf, Xenia always there by my side.. whenever i got off.. or free... i will wan to find her.. but soon after i realise e gap btwn me and my friends is getting longer.. and luckily they nv forget me.. Alson and YJ keep pestering me after i passed out as a 3sg and keep asking me out.. and tt e time things happen..

i start to enjoy e time being out there with my friends.. be it talk cock session, dinner, lan or whatsoever.. i start feel that e time with xenia is not tt sweet anymore.. i think most of e couple do experience e same things.. and i shouldn't treat her like this.. but i am sorry... and because i was posted to this special unit.. everyday go to the ranges.. i was so sick.. and once i not working.. i so wana go out and find my friends.. and slowly.. i miss clubbing.. and e dark side of me ----> party animal, come to haunt me again.. i do admit i am someone who like to party, drink and dance... jus to have e fun all night long.. but i shouldn't hurt anyone when i do all these..

days ago... someone keep comment i am a bastard, player.. someone who play with ppl feeling.. ok... i deserve e scolding.. i know how mad u r.. to let u guys understand and to mark my yr with all the truth i shall include this too in this post.. becoz this make part of my yr 2009...

i think i deserve all the scoldings and swearing from those who hate me.. becoz i hate myself too.. for being this zH i dun even know who e hell he is... i admit i changed alot.. since i left secondary school... my principle all changed partly due to how i adapt to the "world" i live in... and i been to alot.. i thought this yr.. i will change back to the zH used to be in secondary school.. but obviously i am not.. i still cant bear to leave the nightlife and party lifestyle.. i used to joke with the gals.. "party is in our blood".. and i do enjoy the drinks and dance.. but no matter how crazy the night is... i will have some self control.. but i duno why 2009 is a year i cross my line... and this line is so dangerous yet i dare to cross it.. i admit in e first place... i thinking of jus having fun... is not about playing.. i really dun play with relationship.. becoz i cant.. i know a gal.. "E" during one of my usual club night... e first night is none other than a gal who can dance so well with me... i think nothing other than this... but i know deep down.. if i continue seeing her.. something will happen... but i try nothing to stop it.. becoz like i said.. i thinking of having some fun... but already is a mistake.. becoz i am endanger my RS.. but i have to admit.. e rs also having some problem.. of coz this is not an excuse to do all these.. i know.. but.. i tink everything jus fated..

I club everyweeknd.. and sometime mayeb club twice a week... and slowly... i really fall in love with "E".. i know i hurting my gf... but i really cant control.. i know i shouldn't continue it.. but i duno how to handle it.. becoz i dun wana let go... so many things happen in 2 months.. since e day i know "E".. i gave so many empty promises.. both to "E" and gf.. haiz.. i really duno what e hell i am doing.. i hurt both of them.. call me a bastard if u all want.. becoz i think i am one..

now i really so insecure when i am alone.. i need accompany.. becoz i will tink of "E".. need to get over it fast.. haiz.. listen to songs especially songs i had danced with her before.. will make me tink of things happened.. scary.. i near future.. dun dare to club le... dun dare to cross e line again.. becoz the feeling of hurting and being hurt is really pain.. pain till i can rem for my life.. and 2009 will be a year i rem...

obviously this is year.. is like a roller coaster ride for me.. so many things happen.... like i said.. fun, tears, excitment, pain...
Sispec training... 2 years anniversaries with Xenia.. "E" come into my life... are the things complete my 2009 and will be things which will follow me for e rest of my life..

2009 is ending soon.. few more days will be christmas day... wish all of u "MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR"... and really hope 2010 is a year with only happiness...

ZhiHao.