Friday, December 18, 2009

22:14

wow.. so fast.. is really fast for this year to end it in this style... haiz... DEC... festival mood.. but i have a little heavy feeling.. lucky someone is always there for me to support me... this year --- 2009, really a very special year for me.. is a whole full year which i am a NSF... and i gone thru a lot of stuffs.. some i never experience before.. some make me happy... make me go crazy.. make me heartwarming... make me cry like mad.. and it make the year of 2009 for me.. this year really extraordinary for me.. like me make a quick recap for it.. to mark a full stop and hope nxt yr.. is a new beginning...

starting of the year.. posted to SISPEC... a fresh start for me.. and continue my trainee life.. as a trainee in sispec.. i enjoyed most of my time.. thou e training is quite tough.. but to listen to order and fight.. and learn new stuff.. new weapon.. is really an experience for me.. and i got to see some of my mates leave for different vocation training as i remain as an infantry soldier... but to stay in ASLC... make me tougher.. and i got e chance of going to thailand for overseas training.. 3 weeks of the year is long enough that i dunwan to go for another overseas exercise.. haha.. becoz i got to leave my gf in sg who i miss e most... and i missed my mum bday this yr... but thailand really a fun experience overall.. the weather u will nv forget.. e food and the navigation exercise.. and the ninja van... lolz.. all the little things.. and it end my trainee life as i passed out after 5 months plus of unforgettable training in SISPEC...

on and off.. my gf, Xenia always there by my side.. whenever i got off.. or free... i will wan to find her.. but soon after i realise e gap btwn me and my friends is getting longer.. and luckily they nv forget me.. Alson and YJ keep pestering me after i passed out as a 3sg and keep asking me out.. and tt e time things happen..

i start to enjoy e time being out there with my friends.. be it talk cock session, dinner, lan or whatsoever.. i start feel that e time with xenia is not tt sweet anymore.. i think most of e couple do experience e same things.. and i shouldn't treat her like this.. but i am sorry... and because i was posted to this special unit.. everyday go to the ranges.. i was so sick.. and once i not working.. i so wana go out and find my friends.. and slowly.. i miss clubbing.. and e dark side of me ----> party animal, come to haunt me again.. i do admit i am someone who like to party, drink and dance... jus to have e fun all night long.. but i shouldn't hurt anyone when i do all these..

days ago... someone keep comment i am a bastard, player.. someone who play with ppl feeling.. ok... i deserve e scolding.. i know how mad u r.. to let u guys understand and to mark my yr with all the truth i shall include this too in this post.. becoz this make part of my yr 2009...

i think i deserve all the scoldings and swearing from those who hate me.. becoz i hate myself too.. for being this zH i dun even know who e hell he is... i admit i changed alot.. since i left secondary school... my principle all changed partly due to how i adapt to the "world" i live in... and i been to alot.. i thought this yr.. i will change back to the zH used to be in secondary school.. but obviously i am not.. i still cant bear to leave the nightlife and party lifestyle.. i used to joke with the gals.. "party is in our blood".. and i do enjoy the drinks and dance.. but no matter how crazy the night is... i will have some self control.. but i duno why 2009 is a year i cross my line... and this line is so dangerous yet i dare to cross it.. i admit in e first place... i thinking of jus having fun... is not about playing.. i really dun play with relationship.. becoz i cant.. i know a gal.. "E" during one of my usual club night... e first night is none other than a gal who can dance so well with me... i think nothing other than this... but i know deep down.. if i continue seeing her.. something will happen... but i try nothing to stop it.. becoz like i said.. i thinking of having some fun... but already is a mistake.. becoz i am endanger my RS.. but i have to admit.. e rs also having some problem.. of coz this is not an excuse to do all these.. i know.. but.. i tink everything jus fated..

I club everyweeknd.. and sometime mayeb club twice a week... and slowly... i really fall in love with "E".. i know i hurting my gf... but i really cant control.. i know i shouldn't continue it.. but i duno how to handle it.. becoz i dun wana let go... so many things happen in 2 months.. since e day i know "E".. i gave so many empty promises.. both to "E" and gf.. haiz.. i really duno what e hell i am doing.. i hurt both of them.. call me a bastard if u all want.. becoz i think i am one..

now i really so insecure when i am alone.. i need accompany.. becoz i will tink of "E".. need to get over it fast.. haiz.. listen to songs especially songs i had danced with her before.. will make me tink of things happened.. scary.. i near future.. dun dare to club le... dun dare to cross e line again.. becoz the feeling of hurting and being hurt is really pain.. pain till i can rem for my life.. and 2009 will be a year i rem...

obviously this is year.. is like a roller coaster ride for me.. so many things happen.... like i said.. fun, tears, excitment, pain...
Sispec training... 2 years anniversaries with Xenia.. "E" come into my life... are the things complete my 2009 and will be things which will follow me for e rest of my life..

2009 is ending soon.. few more days will be christmas day... wish all of u "MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR"... and really hope 2010 is a year with only happiness...

ZhiHao.

11:48

yesterdae my gf xenia bday... her bday party will be tml sat... so yesterdae we jus had a simple celebration... went for a movie and a steamboat dinner.... will compensate a nice one to her de.. sorry dear... like too simple le.. actually wana have a pinic with a camping tent one.. but problem is keep raining.. and force to cancel it.. haiz.. anyway like she say de.. 2 persons can be together celebrating.. everything doesn't matter right..

ninja assassin... wow.. Rain bod is hot!!! very nice e movie... hollywood standard for an asian star... nice.. and e story not bad... hehe... anyway DEC is flood with nice movies... going to catch more movies.. haha=)

steamboat at vivo city.. erm.. not very nice... so so lo... but okie le.. everytime steamboat i find it very heartwarming de.. becoz it mean tuan yuan to me.. and hope it mean this to us too.. but i wont recommend to my friends to go there... food so so only..

tml is her bday party.. will upload some pics.. these few days take quite alot of pics.. bring my hk relative here and there ma.. got to sleep.. tml must go her hse.. hehe.. night..

ZhiHao.

22:14

so fast another week le.. this week quite fast right.. becoz friday is ph.. that why time pass faster.. sianz.. tml must go work again.. but luckily.. tuesday having a surgery.. wisdom tooth extraction.. wow.. the needle.. ouch.. cant think of it.. very very pain de.. but soon or later i need to extract one so why not faster.. and need to ask the dentist wat e price for whitening and cleansing.. becoz i long time nv go for dental checkup le.. scare my tooth all decayed.. haha.. other than face.. tooth must be good too..

tml whole day will be in office becoz got 2 important meetings and i first time doing minutes for my boss.. haha.. will be learning how to do one.. then i think one day gone.. and after work i will be rushing to vivo city and see my idol=) yeah.. EKIN CHENG... coming here to promote his new movie.. 风云2 !!!! so after work i will go there.. and yeah.. tuesday dun need go back camp le.. hohoho... this week my relatives from hk will come visit us.. i got to sacrifice my room for them... sobz.. but okie la.. they treat us so good when we went hk in august.. thus we must be good too them too=) will be bringing them out ba.. but after 5.. becoz i on MC... haha.. so tml after seeing Ekin.. must go home tidy up e place for them.. new bedsheet.. tidy up the living room.. clean my room etc etc~~~

yesterday sat.. been slacking at home whole day... my primary schoolmates asking me out for a dinner.. but they eating so late.. and i got to go SITEX show.. no choice cant meet them.. been sometime nv meet those gals le.. very very nice friends since primary school.. and jus now browse thru FB... they sketch a comic tall and bamboo like ZH on a tissue and upload the drawing to FB... so funny.. in their memories.. they only remember me as a tall guy only.. lolz... anyway too bad cant meet them.. went to sitex show.. as expected.. so many ppl.. went to see my ipod... chey.. the price is e same.. jus got free gifts compare to outside... but other than this.. think the HD LCD really a catch... and laptops.. think nxt time if i starting a family.. or i married. . will wait for all this electronics fair to come and get a bargain here.. really not bad wor.. think nxt yr comex show i will come here to get my laptop preparing for my studies in SIM... yeah..

that all for today... home internet down.. argh.. so very hard to update but will try to update at least twice a week... =)

ZhiHao.

08:16

24 of nov le.. over 12 am le ma.. one month will be christmas eve.. like very fast hor.. but fast also useless.. can 9 months pass even faster.. i really dunwan to stay in army le.. cant take it.. if continue like this i wan to die.. very stress... if make a mistake like will kana charge all this... and today my CI come to range to find me.. spot check me got do my jobs not.. so what if i leave early after range.. i need to do extra work one le.. this is about give and take ma.. haiz.. i dun understand why they wana check until like this... stress stress stress. hope dec come faster.. as i said in my prev post.. by then i most of the time dun need go camp...

my hk relatives come on 2nd dec.. and my wisdom tooth extraction is on 1st dec.. what e.. i cant bring them go out le.. becoz i really must stay home rest.. and think camp will ask someone come check if i am at home.. sianz.. wana bring them out de.. haiz.. too bad..

very tired le.. tml think go back camp slack and do some editing job... i wondering wat for so hardworking do the video which no one appreciate.. wtf.. i must take my own transport to and fro one. and dun even trust me on the time leaving all these..i need to fork out own time to do even after office hour.. since like this... wat for i must go to the range myself all these... no video then no lo.. dun care.. fed up.. days r hard ahead.. think got to buy more books to read up in office.. haiz.~~~~~~~

ZhiHao.

01:17

now already sunday 5+.. another 7 hrs or so i got to sleep... then wake up must sucks thumb wear my green uniform go work.. always feel my heart sinking when i got to go work after a short break... lolz.. maybe that why i dun like work.. lolz.. but i said must change ma..

luckily.. nowadays not stay in office and will be quite busy becoz got a deadline for an assignment.. had transferred to HQ and my first assignment for this new post is to make a movie clip for my unit... and due to the limitation of the resources i have... i must go film somemore.. that why now i am free to go ranges at own time own target but even if i go home early i must do some editing work and think of the parts of how to project the scenes... not an easy task.. thou the deadline is feb nxt year.. but i know nuts of video editing.. and xenia said is easy to do one... still feel bit stress..

becoz for my principal and working style is... either u dun do it at all.. if not u must do a perfect job.. (maybe this give me excuses not to do many things, haha) that why since i was pick to do this video.. i need to do it till everyones jaws drop~~~ lucky my boss who is a major quite support me.. and enroll me into a 1 wk video course at safti... new workplace still got many things not yet settle.. example my camp pass, OA account and issac card.. so many things..

hohoho... christmas coming.. this yr Orchard lightning really nice... better than last yr one... and quite looking forward.. becoz this yr E4 all members finally got gf le.. i mean all at the same time... think i mentioned it in the prev post.. but this yr we hope to orgranise a party among ourselves.. maybe a chalet, a bbq or even beach party.. not sure yet.. but think shld be fun.. haha..

this yr DEC go few things to look forward.. first is xenia bday... then is 风云2 at 10th of decemeber.. please be supportive.. haha.. becoz ekin is starring it.. then 4 weeks think i only going camp for 1 week.. becoz 1st dec i got a wisdom tooth extraction... OUCH!! will be pain!! the 麻醉针 is really super pain.. but try to endure it.. becoz suppose pluck it earlier but nv book appointment.. so will be having 6-8 days mc.. dun know yet... so one wk siam camp le.. then 22nd got an appointment which is a tuesday.. think half day in camp and i going off to National skin centre le.. yeah yeah.. and then all the way till nxt yr then report back to camp...

wahahaha... 4th of Jan is the new working day... best la.. so zai.. the best part is for such a long break only used up 6 days of my leave and my only leaves left... zai right?? i quite proud of myself.. but thanks to christmas and new year la.. hahaha... after it must be super rush on my video le..

and starting counting down on my army days.. hope i everyday go back work will pass time faster.. and either i go back study or go SIA or Cathay pacific apply for air attendant le.. or maybe can try to become a police... not sure yet.. but will think carefully for my future..

the dream is a long term one.. but during festival.. everyone got their wishlist.. for nxt yr.. short term wishlist i would like to get myself more things..

1. ipod nano, or iTouch
2. touchscreen phone best is Iphone so can skip no. 1 items haha
3. class 3
4. class 2a
5. bike (most prob will get super4 or maybe skipper)
6. air con for my room
7. laptop
8. long term stability with gf
9. 2 holiday trips ( hk and either taiwan or bangkok)
10. TOTO 10 million hongbao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hehe=)

ZhiHao.

12:24

friday.. think every friday will be the drink drank drunk day for me... because sat suppose to be day to accompany xenia... yeah... so fri shld be the free day for me to drink with friends.. but i think i only left hock they all le.. haiz...

when we meet... i really miss jimmy and hock so much.. so long nv meet le.. and they congrat me that i back with xenia again... yeah... thanks bro.. anyway... u all really my bros... we meet at dobby ghaut but becoz e crowd... we went boat quay.. cosy bar.. not bad e place... and we order a tower... in e end we drank 1 tower and 3 jugs... drank quite alot.. think if xenia see this post surely angry de.. but i duno why i keep drinking... i know she keep worry i drink too much and do wrong things again... i know if she see this updated post sure angry de.. but i still wana write my feeling out...

ops.. at cosy bar.. we drink then play pool and sing.. and i listen to so many songs... some songs are noted and i will either post it here or facebook.. really nice... if u r pay attention listen to e songs u will know.. hehe.. at least to me la... =((( i am not disturbed by e fact... xenia dun think too much again... think i am drunk la.. but u r important to me... i made e choice and this is the choice i wanted... so i wont regret... but i need time to forget her... jus time... becoz it is a fact u and i cant denied... she leaves something behind... and it need time to get over... sorry if i offended u.. but this don mean i don love u... and i dun need more time to confirm b4 being with u.. i confirmed le.. just that i think i really a super super bad guy who hurt someone and i guilty for who i am... haiz.. hope u understand...

think i really drunk... so late still writing these.. but actually i jus called her.. i mean xenia. tml she exam... so wake her up to study... hope she can make it.. but i know she can de... hehe.. and hock and jimmy also happy that i be with her... hehe... xenia happy to know my best buddies happy for this.. haha=)..

so u guys wana here the songs i wana upload?? i will even if u all dunwan.. haha.. coz this is my blog.. hehe... anyway jus now the pub really very idiot.. thou is ktv pub.. but during 1.30 - 2 plus the bar counter played those club songs.. argh... i so wana club... and i think if i do club.. i will have some memories abt her.. tt why i say i need time... idiot.. play those club songs. dear xenia.. dun think too much k.. jus songs.. everyone have memories.. even u right... dun worry k... whenever be with u... only u on my minds... and jus now hock we all discussing abt all 5 of us E4 finally all coupled.. so we thinking having chalet or bbq session or pub session... soon.. then 10 of us will have some wonderful moments...

to the one i hurt... haiz.. sorry.. if u reading this i know u must be so hurt... sorry... but we all must face e fact... find him back.. i sure u will happy with him de... sorry.. and xenia dun angry okie.. i am e one should bear most of the blame... i really did something wrong.. haiz. anyway enjoy all e songs guys...

sat.. tml is dear's mum bday.. tml shld hve a dinner with her mum... and hope today i can totally relax... very stress this week... headache... hope i will enjoy every moments from now on... sorry to those i hurt.. not only recent one.. all e ones i hurt in e past.. i really a super bad guy.. hope i learnt e mistake. and wont make it again=(((((

明天以後

你的承諾

愛我的人和我愛的人

sat... tonight can stay at dear house and watch guess guess guess... so long.. tonight must cook supper at her hse... long time nv go her hse le.. yeah...

ZhiHao.

07:28

today i am transferred to SIW HQ... now already become personal assistant of my Chief Instructor who is a MAJ. but today when i report... a staff sgt give me warning to wat not to do.. and wateva... quite sian by the morning greeting.. haiz.. then was brief wat my job scope.. actually my job not very tough.. jus lengthy.. but is okie.. because will use up whole day to do.. hope i can change my bad habit.. yeah.. hope this is a brand new start for me to start working good again....

today at workplace not really busy.. becoz CI nv ask me do anything yet.. quite boring.. then i go home after 5.30.. reach home at 6.15... quite fast wor.. but now my feeling very sianz.. haiz.. nowadays very very sianz wor.. thou i know wat should i do.. but i really duno how to end it nicely... haiz. duno how to continue here... very tired.. sleepy... tml continue..

ZhiHao.

21:38

wow.. my blog got some changes... like a female blog... lolz.. but quite nice.. and the color fit my theme..

灰色空间

got to thank my friend who help me in the setting... haiz... recently really too many troubles... but all is cause by me ZHFONG~~~ haiz... to be heartbreaker is not like the song so nice... so easy to dance... and after being one u usually will have insomnia.. when i can be stronger?? and overcome this tide... lovegame is not a game all of us shld play... is so dangerous.. and fire burning sensation... just and advice.. the hurting feeling cause to others is definitely not enjoying... Right now i only hope everyone is fine... and will sleep soundly and have a sugar dreams... i really regret of clubbing for so often... i think i never forgive myself again.. and i won't make the same mistake again...

today my cousin come... will bring her go out gai gai... will update again.. and this blog will keep updated... stay tuned~~~

ZhiHao.

04:39

today went to hospital because nearly faint due to my chest pain... is getting really worse which i can wake up from sleep because i am too pain!!! the painkiller doesn't work..

ECG and Xray cant find the root of my problem and the doctor like dun trust me.. but e pain really unbearable.. cant take it.. so the doctor say give me a jab of painkiller and put under observation for an hour... after that ask me to admit in but i decline.. because sleep in hospital alone is so scary... and i doubt ppl will come visit me.. now while i writing this blog... my chest is still aching.. wat the.. i so scare.. will i sleep and don wake up nxt morning.. anyway is really karma.. becoz of all e shit i did..

yesterdae xenia after work come to dine with me.. i know she is so stress up that she screw up her assesment in singapore turf club... the test is getting tougher and i think the tester is so strict.. is jus unlucky.. so dun fed up okie.. extend ur training and do e test again.. sure pass de.. and the problems i cause her to be so down.. is all my fault.. i can see her restless too... sorry.. at the moment i really cant and duno how to help her.. jus wan to let her know.. school works are more important.. jia you and remember to rest... rest is to walk longer..

this weekend i think i going genting to relax.. think it will be better for my condition.. but i scare later i suddenly so pain duno how.. dun think so much le.. jus wana get some rest too... is dinner time.. okie le.. tml will be a good day for me.. hope i can relax more.. and not heartpain~~~

ZhiHao.

23:35

sat.. think most of u is having dates or planning some night out... i am rotting at home... but i think i deserve it.. since wed i discover my ligament beside my rib cage tear.. till now i din apply the cream doctor prescribed.. the pain is getting worse and i can wake up from my sleep becoz i lie on my right side which cause the pain... but i still nv apply.. becoz this will remind the pain i cause to others...

so today sat and tml sunday i will be left to rot at home.. keep watching hk drama.. and this keep remind me of hk.. i so wana go back to hk... just the night scene will make me feel so relax.. e nxt time i go i can jus sit at the xin guang da dao whole night with 2 cans of beers.. one of my friends jus went and i think she is enjoying herself. disneyland, the peak, central and etc... everywhere can see the seas.... wow.. breathe catching.. anyway nxt weekend i applied overseas leave.. so i think is my turn to go relax awhile... at least hide somewhere.. i am a hermit crab... only know how to hide. but i think this time i really hurt my love ones so much... i dun deserve her forgiveness le... i think i cant give her happiness in any near future.. hope we can cool down.. and she will forgive me one day... haiz.. hope this weekend i can leave sg and jus temp leave this place... haiz.. =( where is the happiness i used to have.. and i throw them away...

ZhiHao.